Darth Vader Robs Bank

It seems the Empire has fallen on hard times. Presumably to get finishing funds for his latest Death Star, Darth Vader—or a man pretending to be Darth Vader?—was reduced to robbing a bank on Long Island this morning. Impotent Rebel Alliance security forces tell Newsday  that Vader marched into a Chase bank in Setauket New York – The Empire State around 11:30 a.m. today. Brandishing a completely unnecessary handgun—as he had the power to choke the oxygen out every teller’s throat—the fallen Jedi demanded cash.

It’s unclear whether he also found their lack of faith disturbing, but one Rebel policeman says, “The teller complied with the robber’s demands and gave him money from the drawer.” Vader is described as 6 feet, 2 inches tall, also wearing camouflage pants, and was last seen boarding a Starfighter headed in the direction of Long Island’s sinister Sith stronghold, in Valley Stream. (Isn’t this also where Improv Everywhere has their headquarters?) Below, a surveillance photo from the teller’s point of view.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.


You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>